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When I first started healing, someone told me that I might have Post Traumatic
Stress Disorder (PTSD). I thought of a war veteran, or maybe a survivor of a bad car accident or fire, maybe someone who grew
up witnessing a drive by shootings or a murder witness. Rape was such a little thing. It was nothing. There was no way it
affected me that deeply. It was just sex.
I didn't think a normal person like me could have PTSD.
I hadn’t begun to consider the things I lost. I had not begun to think about the impact that it had on my life.
I think it is because I had preconceived notions of who a rape victim was. I definetly had preconceived notions of who a rapists was. I thought that I was too smart, too strong and too aware of what rape
is to have it happen to me. I thought a rapist was a monster of a man hiding in a dark alley in a bad crime riddled
neighborhood who couldn't control his urges for sex. I did not think of a rapist as a normal person
you may see walking down the street or the guy next door.
I was diagnosed with PTSD in February of 2001 by a Psychiatrist. Going over my symptoms
with him, I was able to see what I had in common with a war Veteran. I was able to see that I wasn't crazy or become
schizophernic. I wasn't loosing my grip on reality. I was able to see that I had been hurt and that what I was
going through had a name.
Click Here to Read More About PTSD Symptoms.
You are the product of the karma of your soul. The dispositions, aptitudes and attitudes that you
were born with serve the learning of your soul. As your soul learns the lessons that it must learn to balance energy, those
characteristics become unnecessary, and are replaced by others. This is how you grow. As you come to realize, for example,
that anger lead you nowhere, you anger begins to disappear and you move into a more integrated and mature orientation toward
your experience. What once angered you now brings forth different responses.
Until you become aware of the effects of your anger, you will continue to be an angry person. If you
do not reach this awareness by the time you return home, your soul will continue this lesson through the experience of another
lifetime. It will incarnate into another personality with aspects that are similar to your own. What is not learned in each
life time I carried over into other lifetimes, along with new lessons that arise for the soul to learn, new karmic obligations
that result from the responses of its personality to the situations that it encounters. The lessons that the soul has learned
are also bought forward into other life times, and this is how the soul evolves. Personalities mature in time, and the soul
evolves into eternity.
Your disposition, aptitudes, and attitudes reflect your intentions. If you are angry, fearful, resentful
or vengeful, your intention is to keep others at a distance. The human emotion spectrum can be broken down into to basic elements:
love and fear. Anger, vengeance, and resentment are expressions of fear and so are guilt, regret, embarrassment shame and
sorrow. These are all lower frequencies of energy. They produce feelings of depletion, weakness, inability to cope and exhaustion.
The highest frequency current is love. It produces buoyancy, radiance, lightness and joy.
Gary Zukav
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