When I first started healing, some one told me that I might have Post Traumatic
Stress Disorder (PTSD). I thought of a war veteran, or maybe a survivor of a bad car accident or fire. Rape was such a little
thing. It was nothing. There was no way it affected me that deeply. I hadn’t begun to consider the things I lost.
I had not begun to think about the impact that it had on my life. I think it is because I had preconceived
notions of who a rape victim was. I definetly had preconceived notions of who a rapists was. I thought
that I was too smart, too strong and too aware of what rape is to have it happen to me. I thought a rapist was a
monster of a man hiding in a dark alley in a bad crime riddled neighborhood who couldn't control his urges for sex.
I was diagnosed with PTSD in February of 2001 by a Psychiatrist. Going
over my symptoms with him, I was able to see what I had in common with a war Veteran.
What Are Some Symptoms of PTSD?
Recurring thoughts, flashbacks or nightmares
about the event.
Having trouble sleeping.
Changes in appetite.
Experiencing anxiety and fear, especially when exposed to events or situations reminiscent
of the trauma.
Being on edge, being easily startled or becoming overly alert.
Feeling depressed, sad and having low energy.
Experiencing memory problems including difficulty in remembering aspects of the trauma.
Feeling "scattered" and unable to focus on work or daily activities.
Having difficulty making decisions.
Feeling irritable, easily agitated, or angry and resentful.
Feeling emotionally "numb," withdrawn, disconnected or different from others.
Spontaneously crying, feeling a sense of despair and hopelessness.
Feeling extremely protective of, or fearful for, the safety of loved ones.
Not being able to face certain aspects of the trauma, and avoiding activities, places,
or even people that remind you of the event.
